What About Now
by TucsonGirl
Summary: Riven may seem cool on the outside, but what's really going through his head after Musa leaves him? Songfic: What About Now by Daughtry.


Alone. Sleep was evading me in the time I craved it the most. Timmy was spending a late night in the Alfea library with Tecna. Stella and Bloom had Sky and Brandon tonight for a double date. Helia was on a date with Flora and Nabu was on Andros with Layla on family business. The dorm room was empty & lonely. I gave a smug smile at my own stupidity. How could this have happened to me? Alone used to be all I ever wanted and lonely was something I never felt. But ever since Musa left me, that's the only thing that ever went through my mind.

_Shadows fill an empty heart  
As love is fading,  
From all the things that we are  
But are not saying.  
Can we see beyond the stars  
And make it to the dawn?_

__How could she do this to me? Didn't she know how much I needed her? Didn't she care anymore? This was all that stupid Jason Queen's fault. Before he came along, Musa and I were just fine! I got off my bed and walked to the balcony. It was a dark and cool night, no stars, no moon. It was so dark, I could just barely see small lights coming from off in the direction of the Alfea campus. Maybe she was home? Should I go to see her? I shook the thoughts out of my head. She made it pretty clear she didn't want me. My chest ached at the thought of her. As much as I would love to blame Jason for this, I just couldn't. This was my fault. I pushed her away.

_Change the colors of the sky.  
And open up to  
The ways you made me feel alive,  
The ways I loved you.  
For all the things that never died,  
To make it through the night,  
Love will find you.  
_

So many times I hurt her. Her first year at Alfea when I broke her heart because of Darcy's spell. She had forgiven me for that even though she shouldn't have. I know it was wrong and even though I was under a dark spell, I still hurt her and I could never seem to be able to forgive myself. Her sophomore year, we were fine. Together, happy. She earned her Charmix by confessing her true feeling for me. I was so proud of her. And happy to know I was the reason she had gotten stronger. Then last year was a little rocky, in the beginning at least. She earned her Enchantix, was getting stronger every day. She was changing and I was afraid of losing her so I shut her out, the only thing I know how to do. But we worked it out in teh end, like we always do. This year started fine. She graduated and went to Earth and I was right there beside her. But she got her Believix and started changin again, growing. We started this game all over again but I guess this time, she was done. So many times I broke her heart! This time she broke mine.

_What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?  
_

Four days. It had been four days. I was a wreck. I sat around, snapped at everyone, didn't sleep. Like tonight. I thought back on the day of her music audition, the day we really went wrong. First, I was late to pick her up. Things were already a little rocky and my being late just made it worse. She was nervous and snapped at me, which made me mad so I snapped back. Then, when it came time for her to see Jason, I didn't like the way he was looking at her. Musa's a beautiful girl. To beautiful for anyone to look at. Jealousy grew in me. Just thinking back on the way he stared at her while she sang made my fists clench and my face heat up with anger. Memories of her beautiful voice flooded my mind and a smile creeped onto my face. Her voice was unhumanly beautiful. It upset me that Jason was hearing it. I was selfish, I'll admitt. I didn't deserver her and yet I wanted her all to myself.

_The sun is breaking in your eyes  
To start a new day.  
This broken heart can still survive  
With a touch of your grace.  
Shadows fade into the light.  
I am by your side,  
Where love will find you._

I had never been in love before Musa. I didn't even think love existed. I was trapped in my own cynical world, not risking the hurt in caring for anyone. Then, sophomore year, she walked into my life and that was it. There was no going back now. Even though Musa was gone and didn't want me anymore, I still loved her. Love... An emotion I never thought I would feel but there it was. Clear as the night sky, making my head pound and my heart hurt. My mind drifted back to the last time I saw her. Four days without the girl you love is a lot. She was so angry at me! In so much pain. And I caused it! She thought I wasn't happy for her but the truth was, I'd never been more proud of her in my life! She was about to follow her dream and do what she loved! But I let my fear of losing her get in the way and now she hated me.

_What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love, it never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?  
_

Hate. A whole different emotion all together. I clutched the railing of the balcony and bit back tears. I never cried. I couldn't cry. She's just a girl, I told myself. She's just a girl. Just the girl I fell in love with.

_Now that we're here,  
Now that we've come this far,  
Just hold on.  
There is nothing to fear,  
For I am right beside you.  
For all my life,  
I am yours.  
_

She was powerful and strong, beautiful and modest, brilliently intelligent, independent, couragous, loyal. Perfect. I didn't deserve her. Maybe that's what hurt the most? Knowing that I loved her so much and didn't even deserve to call her mine. I was so full of hatred and anger, someone more gentle and kind deserved to have her in his aarms. Someone like Jason Queen. Someonme that will grow with her, not hold her back. This thought made the tears spill over my eyelids, despite my attempts to hold them back. They came fast and hard and I felt it harder and hareder to breath. My Musa was gone. Out of my life forever. This pain would never go away because she was the only one who could make it stop. For the rest of my life I would have to live with knowing that I pushed away the best thing that ever happened to me. My vision blured as I looked up at the night sky and tears made tracks on my checks, never seeming to stop. I surrendered to the pain, let it shatter my heart and fill my body. She would be in my heart forever. Even if I faded from her memory. She was just a girl. Just the girl I fell in love with and broke my heart.__

What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
Baby, before it's too late,  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?


End file.
